Five things that I wish would change at work (but probably never will)

A simple list of things I wish would change at my work environment, but they probably never will because of various factors. They are in no pre-determined order, just as and when I think of them or get around to them.

1. Ban Customers from standing bottles upright on the conveyor belt.

The converyor belt is a massive contraption designed to slowly feed items to the cashier for scanning and then dispensing into the packing area, wherein the customer may pack them into bags of their choice for easier transportation to their homes via car, bus, taxi, walking, cycling etc. There's only one problem with conveyor belts: They tend to start and stop. A lot. Normally this isn't a problem with the pizza boxes the twenty-something single men purchase in droves. However, this is a problem when it comes to these:

You tall, delicious motherfuckers.

 

 Can I ask, why do you think standing these bad boys upright on a device that frequently moves forward, then abruptly stops, is such a good idea? Nine times out of ten, these fuckers will fall flat on their side. Or worse, over the edge of the conveyor belt. Sometimes, not often but sometimes they well fall over onto a cashier's hand. My hand. Or fall off the belt onto the cashier's foot. My foot.

Pre-loading the conveyor belt of your food goods, take a moment to consider your packing order and spacial requirements. Put the bottles first, last, in the middle, pack stuff around them to keep them steady, I don't really give a shit, but please - lay them flat. It saves me getting pissed off at the inevitable falling over and possibility of short-term harm, and it saves you... Well, scorn and derision after you've left the store. Which you'll never hear. Which means you can't know to correct this. Which means this isn't going to change.

2. Keep the kids under control.

As a single black mother of three trying to raise a family while on the dole- wait, sorry, wrong entry. As an employee of a certain superstore whom shall not be named, I have many duties that involve traversing the shop floor. Sometimes this involves manuevering trollies full of shopping. Sometimes large, four-sized rollcages. Sometimes trays with lots of crates on them. This is dangerous enough, but when you throw kids into the mix, running around and screaming because they're bored and need to find their own means of entertainment, the store floors stops becoming a store floor, and... Well, frankly, I start to see it like this:

Paprika is on the other side, ma'am. Please watch out for the claymores.

 Do you realise what is going through my head when I have a full trolley, coasting around the store trying to find where these things go, and there are children running around? Lawsuit. That is the word that springs to mind. They are tiny, tiny lawsuit landmines just waiting to go off. All it takes is one parent, who wasn't paying the slightest attention to their child's behaviour, to go screaming to my supervisor and BAM! I have a disciplinary on my hands. All because your brat decided to run at top speed around blind corners.

I wasn't aware a supermarket was the ideal day out for the family, yet I see it every week. Parents (not parent, you'll notice. Parents) taking their 2-4 children around the store for a good 2-4 hour shop and browse. Like suddenly the elevator was Oblivion at Alton Towers. Please if you can, leave the kids at home. Or keep them quiet, somehow. Believe me, we have a lot going on in our day-to-day and the last thing we need is to hear a kid screeching from six aisles away because you won't let them have Cheesestrings. Then again, nothing is perfect. Babysitter's can't be arranged, not every family will have two cars, so I will have to put up with this and, yup, wish it would change but never will be. Sigh.

3. Stop contesting prices.

Little fact you knew about my place of work - yes, we will do price checks on things if you think we've overcharged you. But this is an amazingly painful process to sit through. The cashier has to first, put their red light on to signal a section manager there is an issue. The manager then has to find time to come over, hear the problem, trek across the store to confirm the price of the item, and then return, only to tell the customer... They misread the price label.

Barely contained rage.

If you cannot bare to spend an extra 30 seconds checking the product you just picked up costs as much as you think it does, or that it's valid in the offer, then you sir/ma'am, are a fucking slothful, selfish moron. We're not perfect either - sometimes the system hasn't been updated with the new prices and yes, you will in fact be correct. But damn by far this is a minority case compared to a very simple situation of "learn to read". By doing this, you are simply wasting everyone's time. You're at the store longer, you're holding up my queue of customers, and you're making me drag a manager over to do a menial task when they could actually be organising something vaguely important. Like overtime, or sick day covers. If you're not sure whether or not the item is at the price listed, then yes it's better to ask someone than get a nasty surprise at the checkout. But for fucks' sake, ask someone working on the shop floor to do a price check for you. Don't leave it till the last minute at the fucking checkout and slow down the entire system because you're a lazy piece of crap.


Why won't this change? Because it's people. Plain and simple, it's people. It's a culture of laziness and "can't someone else do it" permeating and trying to change it is like trying to change the tide. We as creatures are now used to leaving things to the last minute.


4. Put it back where you found it.

Remember when you were a kid and you'd play with your toys? Remember putting the toys back in the toybox, or where they belong, when you were done with them? Me too! Then why does it seem like such a great idea to just dump your shit around the store, whatever aisle you're in, when it clearly has no place there?

One of these does not belong...

 It's simple, folks. If you're suddenly struck with the desire to be rid of one of your items, go put it back where you found it. Worst case scenario? Give it to someone who works there, or give it to the cashier so it can be collected and re-distributed later in the day. In my eyes, there's no excuse for being so apathetic towards the people who work at a store (who need I remind you are actually human beings. Just thought I'd point that one out quickly in case you forgot) that you decide to dump a Ben 10 DVD off on the shelves in the yoghurt aisle. Yes, this has happened to me before, and many other bizarre examples, such as leaving shampoo in the spices, or a shirt stashed among boxes of corn flakes. All you're doing by pretending to be a suave motherfucker and stealthily deposit now-unwanted items is pissing me off when one of my coworkers has to clean the store, collect these items up, and deposit them back where they found them. Why won't this change? See above. Human laziness. I wish people would make an effort sometimes...

5. I'm there to serve and help, but I'm not your friend.

Okay, I know I'm not the only one in this situation, but I'm not a very sociable person face-to-face. The fact is, it's a job, and I need money. It's that simple. When you get to the checkout to pay, all I'm looking for is cooperation. I give you the bags and scan the food, you pack them up and pay for them. You leave, I go on to next customer. Easy, right? No, you're not making it easy, because you feel the impulse to talk to me about my day, the workload, the weather, or worse... Sports.

Not listening... Not listening!

 This is a transaction, people. It's not a soiree. It's not a social club. It's not the pub. It's work. The last person I want to talk with is a complete stranger about whatever they're interested in. What about what I'm interested in, fuckers? But no, I guess you didn't think about that. It's just us, us, us the whole time. I just want to scan stuff, collect the money, put it in the till, and wait for the next customer. I have enough trouble finding conversation among my fellow employees - all either middle-aged women, teenage girls, or "lads' lads" working in the stock section - without Granny Weatherwax trying to fire up a conversation. Basic human kindness I'm absolutely on board with. Starting a conversation I do not want to be doing.

I admit it, this one is half on me. I could make an extra effort but then again... Why should I? You will be out of my life after anywhere between 5-10 minutes, and I don't intend on making a commitment to our blossoming friendship afterwards. And neither do you. But you feel compelled to fill the silence with inane babble because... I don't know, does it make you uncomfortable? Why is it that the people who don't shut up are the ones with their families, while the people on their own are perfectly capable of packing and paying in silence? Are you that starved for attention?

Until next time, see the blog title.